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How to Reveal Your Fetishes to Your Partner

A 2018 survey found one in three Americans admit to having a specific kink or fetish. According to Jaime

Lovers sharing secrets

Bronstein, a licensed relationship therapist, coach, and author of MAN*ifest, a fetish is a form of sexual desire that is linked to a particular object, activity, or body part other than the sexual organs. Similar to approaching role play as a couple, partners must abide by tips to opening up to each other about their fetishes. Bronstein recommends that, instead of being ashamed of a predilection, partners should open up to each other about their fantasies. The honesty might lead to more spice in the bedroom and a deeper connection. She advises relaxing before discussing with your partner, explaining that appearing nervous when approaching the conversation can make the fetish seem taboo. "Whether your partner is on board or not," Bronstein notes, "you will feel relieved that you shared what was on your mind, which is always a plus in a relationship."

Communicate with confidence

Bronstein proposes at the beginning of the conversation, express you will be sharing something you were wary of sharing, and ask them to please not judge you and continue to love you unconditionally. "If you are going to share your fetish and put yourself in a vulnerable position, you need to trust that if your partner loves you, they will not judge you."

Present Your Fetish as an opportunity to mix it up

"Start by expressing how much you love your partner and your relationship and that you thought it would be fun to mix it up in the bedroom," Bronstein suggests. You may share your fetish with your partner here and see what they say. "You might be pleasantly surprised by their reaction. Then ask your partner if they have any fetishes. You may feel more connected and less alone afterwards."

Avoid placing pressure

Let your partner know that if they do not want to appease you by participating in your fetish, it's okay. Bronstein emphasizes the importance that you and your partner respect each others' boundaries and do not pressure each other. Disclosing your fetish, Bronstein concludes, is sharing with your partner and making yourself open to them.


Trust and communication are crucial to maintaining a healthy relationship. You need to feel safe and comfortable being vulnerable to your partner. Practicing self-love will help you approach discussing fetishes with your partner as loving yourself will help you with self-confidence and -esteem. Opening up to your partner with confidence and understanding will improve your connection and, should you agree to indulge each other in the bedrrom and mix it up, you will find yourselves closer and enjoying exciting intimacy together. In my relationship, my partner and I took the time to discuss our fetishes and kinks, something which took some time for us to be comfortable with. Once we shared with one another and started off small, we found ourselves more satisfied and loved as we took care of each other's desires.


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